Companies you won't see advertise during the Super Bowl

1. Halliburton

2. NAMBLA

3. NORML (even though marijuana laws are stupid)

4. New York Ramblers  (they'll be busy that day)

Jobs that should be done by a Robot

1) ticket taker -- any ticket taker anywhere

2) Secretary of HUD

3) office manager

4) percussionists

5) traffic cops 

Character traits I want to see in a movie -

1. Someone who scored a 100 on their driving test and loves to remind people of that fact
2. Someone who, as a child, once jerked off and then held his hand over a toaster because he thought it was wrong and he needed to punish himself.
3. Someone who between the ages of 14 and 22: used a velcro wallet & had Michael Jordan's "#23" shaved into the back of his head for each of the Bulls' 6 championships with MJ

Top Things I Want to Do In My Life -

1. Yell "Live from New York, it's Saturday night!"

2. Sleep in the Lincoln bedroom

3. Have a stranger say "Hey, you're (insert my name), aren't you? I read about you, congratulations!"

4. Hear "And the Oscar goes to (insert my name.)"

What I don't want to hear during the course of my lifetime -

1. Sir, can you please put your pants back on.

2. We, the jury, find the defendant guilty.

3. Sorry, the Governor has denied your request

T-shirt slogan idea:

"Suck it, World!"